Allow me to clarify something that might just have been understated in my initial entry. I really hate flying. No, wait that still doesnít do this justice.
I. Really. Hate. Flying.
That makes this a little clearer, now allow me to go into this in a little more depth. So whatís so bad about flying? Everything. This abject hatred means that I donít really look forward to holidays too much as I have the two dire buffers at either end of the fun bit.
The Check In.
Even arriving at the airport is a trial. They have huge layouts and a googolplex of terminals; and no search engine. Generally speaking when you get there you have no clue where to go, what to do or who to speak to. I want to arrive at the airport and be given an airport guide dog.
“Welcome to Manchester airport sir, hereís your guide dog.” I take the lead and look down into his clear brown eyes. He looks up and as we gaze at each other Iím sure he thinks ‘OMG a fkn n00b. lose.’ Heís a professional though so when I pass down my ticket he takes one sniff and he guides me to the correct check in desk, my ticket is scanned and Iím led away to be searched and seating in a waiting area. He then entertains me playing fetch until the plane is ready, as the planes ‘ready for departure’ scent is released I get pulled to the right gate, I pat the guide dog and Iím away. No troubles, no fuss.
But someoneís dropped the ball on airport guide dogs and they donít exist. Sometimes I think Iíll never understand this mad, mad world.
I bet you get used to the whole airport and check in experience but I donít go on holiday often. So you arrive, spend some productive time getting lost and once bored with that you can pick up an airport coffee for five of her majesties. A coffee so small itís quantum and could in fact be anything, even a duck.
When you do finally learn where to go both you and bags get searched, labelled and scanned, repeatidly. Many hours later, after every crevice has been poked by random people with badges on there jackets ñ are those even airport staff? - you get herded onto a plane. The ordeal has just begun.
The Plane ñ In Part Two
