Wired has released a guide entitled ‘Be an Expert on Anything’. A little over enthusiastic I think, but still an interesting article. It includes:

How To:
Intro
Be an Expert on Anything
Play
Take Great Photos
Turn Up Your Music
Optimize Your Web Site
Get Your Game On
Shoot Like Spielberg
Work
Be More Productive
Secure Your Data
Get Ahead
Work Smarter
Make Work Less Hellish
Live
Live Healthier
Play With Your Food
Optimize Your Digital Life
Pimp Your Ride
Save the Earth

I had a look through the ‘Secure your data’ section and it’s badly mistitled. It should be called ‘How to break your companies IT security policiy and potentially get fired’. Perhaps that’s a bit long and over descriptive for Wired. The piece contains nothing about securing data from loss or destruction – it’s all about hiding your personal communications from your boss. OK it’s information everyone wants to know but be upfront about what you are saying. The best bit is the look busy suggestions:

Complain that you’re totally swamped at every opportunity. Use phrases like “up to my ass in alligators” and “jumping from one fire to another” to make your job sound kind of sexy and dangerous.

Carry a piece of paper wherever you go. To give yourself the necessary urgent facial expression and body language, imagine it’s something incredibly important, like a stay of execution from the governor.

Never clean your cubicle. After all, if you had any spare cycles you wouldn’t let yourself live like a pig.

Emailing looks like work. Email friends and family often.

If you feel like talking instead of working, talk to your boss. That counts as work no matter what you’re chatting about. The ideal topic of conversation is how poorly all of your coworkers are performing.

If you wear glasses, leave an old pair on the desk as though you will be right back. Then go home.

Leave voicemails for coworkers at 1:00 am, even if you’re getting up just to take a whiz. If you really want to inspire awe, leave a message for your boss with your thoughts on the company’s outdated filing system at 11:30 pm on New Year’s Eve.

Be sure to get involved in unquantifiable projects. You want to be doing a lot of consulting and advising and attending. Avoid anything with a hard and fast deadline.

Learn to sleep with your back to the cubicle entrance. You’ll have to practice to keep your head from slumping over, but it’s worth it. If you can’t pull that off, try a neck brace painted the same color as your skin.

Bitch about your job as much as possible. This is considered work even though it’s fun.

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