1 – Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby mouse. 2 – Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really, really, really good reason to change direction. 3 – Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. 4 – Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat. All heat flows to a cat. 5 – Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. This could be up to half a mile. 6 – Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible. 7 – Law of Cat Jumping A cat can make her body springy enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. 8 – Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop dead instantly. 9 – Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. 10 – Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long. 11 – Law of Obedience Resistance A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something. 12 – First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. 13 – Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. 14 – Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. 15 – Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light, or even faster at the speed of cat. 16 – Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, find and take over the most comfortable spot in any given room. 17 – Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond or catosecond. 18 – Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. A cat does not forgive you laughing at it. 19 – Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. 20 – Law of Furniture Replacement A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. 21 – Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Human stomaches are ideal for this. 22 – Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. 23 – Law of Cat Disinterest A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. 24 – Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. 25 – Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter. 26 – Law of Selective Listening Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away. 27 – Law of Equidistant Separation All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room. 28 – Law of Cat Invisibility Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them. 29 – Law of Space-Time Continuum Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. 30 – Law of Concentration of Mass A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies or the need to lift them up. 31 – Law of Cat Probability, a Cat’s Uncertainty Principle It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be. 32 – Law of Cat Obedience As yet undiscovered. Yet more cat humour via Mrs JD.