The best blog post ever made

July 16th, 2006 · No Comments

I need your help over here. Really. My wife’s just made blueberry muffins but I feel indebted to you, my loyal readers, and so I’m mentally forced to publish daily. That monkeys not getting off my back anytime sooon.

So I need you to do something for me. It’s going to take some effort on your part so prepare yourself. Go get a coffee or a Coke. Hell a line of coke, whatever, just come back here when you are done.

Back eh? One could say you’re a bit of a glutton for punishment; but I won’t right now. Right now I need you to put some effort in for me. You see those muffins downstairs are not getting any warmer so we’re on a limited timescale here.

OK, close your eyes and follow the instructions. Wait, that’s not going to work is it. Fk it, you’ll work it out somehow. Concentrate really hard. Harder. No, above Teletubbie level, really go to town on the concentration front. That’s it.

Now then, bend all that concentration to pretending that this is the best post ever written on CR. No really. Just do it. Oh fk, now the lawyers are going to be all over me, edit or ramble on, that’s the question. And here’s the answer. OK so you managed that, good. Not so hard eh. Now then, go that bit further, this my loyal readers is the best blog post ever made on the history of the Internet.

Concentrate on that fact. Good. Now embellish. Go on, knock yourself out. Pretend it’s educational if you are that way inclined. Or humorous, shoot some of that drink, or powder, out of your nose. Go for it. Now I need you to do one more thing for me.

Link, trackback or type on your own blog ‘OMFG PONIES!!1 Bestest postie evar!!!1′ Whatever. I’m just prodding here as we’re out of time. You go wild now and spread the word, I’m going to eat my wife’s muffins. Oh fk, I didn’t mean that; buggerit.